Advice?

"Rainbow" (rainbeaux) 08/21/2019 at 17:07 • Filed to: None

1

14

I still want to start my own small business and build a house. That’s not changing. But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about stuff and I think I’ve committed to something as of today: I’m moving back with my parents and quitting my job in December, in favor of a part-time gig that’s yet to be decided. They’re more than happy to have me back for a while, and I really feel like I need this for my mental health. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for about 11 years now and the same thing comes up every time: work is terrible. I’ve gone through so many great jobs and every single one of them has started out great and quickly changed. The jobs didn’t change, but my attitude did; I feel overwhelmed and trapped. It’s not that I just want free time, either. I actually hate my time off because it just reminds me that I have no friends and my entire social life is just interacting with customers, and sometimes Oppo. I feel like I really just need to be able to find myself and I can’t do that when I’m working 12-hour shifts like I have tomorrow. Honestly, I’d quit right now if I didn’t have four months left on my lease.

Am I making any sense? I just want a chance to feel *okay* again, and I can’t do that when I have a full time job. I have a place to stay and people to support me. It’s not a matter of if I can, but rather just if I should. I feel like it’s a huge step backwards, but maybe that’s the right thing to do. To quote my favorite band, Japanther: "we've come so far, but how far have we gone off track?"

CB > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 17:33

4

In terms of work and feeling burned out, it’s a feeling a lot of people can relate to . What kind of work do you think would be fulfilling and keep you going? What kind of challenges do you want to face and overcome? Those are the kinds of questions to ask for work. Granted, your coworkers can sink your job, so that’s a crapshoot, but eh, not everything can be controlled.

And no shame in moving home to help you figure you out.

Ash78, voting early and often > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 17:34

3

“There’s a name for people who hate work...it’s called everyone. We have a support group an d we meet at the bar after work.” —Drew Carey (I think)

I’m sort of in the same boat. Even though I have my own family — GUARANTEED social interaction, whether you want it or not — I work from home and don’t have a serious friend group. Oppo helps a lot. But work almost always sucks in some way.

The best jobs I ever had (back when I didn’t need to support 4 people) were anything in sales or service. I would try to treat my customers like friends, and that went a long way. It also got me a lot of networking connections at the time. You could also try adult intramural sports, local library special interest groups, or even find a liberally- minded church (I can help you find connections, a buddy of mine just took a senior pastor gig in Alpharetta)

My advice on the job front? Carmax or something along those lines.

Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 17:48

3

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. You gotta try to find it in everything you do, not just hope you get there someday. And acknowledge that s ometimes it takes some extra effort to find.

Do what you have to do to be happy, wherever that may take you!

I need more car friends too. I’m in Chicagoland and totally looking for more cool folks to hang out with .

PS, it w ont help you much , but to know your not alone in the str uggle, I’ve been married for about 10 years and now we are separating because she couldn’t keep it in her pants. I am back with my parents now too, and am constantly looking for things that bring some semblance of happiness . It’s not easy, sometimes it’s really small things, b ut it is possible. 

smobgirl > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 17:53

2

I mean...shit is gonna happen, whether it’s job-related or not. It happens to everyone. I quit my job and got a better one but other things still manage to go wrong. Chaos is the natural state, you know? You might solve some short term issues by moving back home, but you might end up feeling the same way but just living somewhere  different.

Have you changed therapists lately? If not, it might be time to find someone with a fresh perspective.

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 17:54

5

Whatever you think you need  to do to do you then you should do it...you don't really need the approval of a mob of well meaning randoms from around the internet. Hook in, try it out and see what sticks. 

Khalbali > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:16

1

It’s not necessarily a bad idea but it is a slippery slope. My wife’s mental health got so bad we had to move 1100 miles back to family and she was out of work for almost a year, and now she’s having a really hard time handling even 20 hrs/wk. I don't know if another route would have been better, I just know it didn't go how we'd hoped.

SiennaMan > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:29

3

The things I’d add to the conversation that come to mind. First, if you think you’re going to need to step back and figure stuff out, do it before you have made any long term commitments you’d hate to give up. Case in point, my job alternates between being quite rewarding and miserably frustrating. I have a mortgage and children, so I have no real choice but to deal with the frustration without making huge changes. Second, if you can find a way to line upthat part time job, start your business or line up regular volunteering before you quit your current job, I’d do so. Large gaps in employment don’t look good to hiring managers if you need to apply for something later ..

Sovande > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:32

1

Most work sucks, that's just the way it is. Most careers are built in steps. The first steps generally suck shit. 

Mercedes Streeter > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:38

1

I’ve spent quite a few years in your position as I’ve posted on here numerous times. You’re definitely making sense to me!

I do think reducing your workload is a healthy move. You’re going through some massive changes in your life and a 12 hour shift really doesn’t leave you much room to flourish or even learn yourself . Part time work while you’re finding yourself may be beneficial.

Further, I’d say find something you really want to do in life and work. Most jobs are fun at first but get old really quickly. But not all jobs have to be like that. Some jobs you will be genuinely happy to wake up in the morning to do for a long time.

I’ve had to move back in with my parents twice thus far in life. It felt like falling backwards into a spiraling free fall. But I used the time I was stuck with them constructively and I came out the other side better than when I moved back in.

If you ever move to Illinois, you can always hit me up! 

Brickman > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:39

1

I love to work. Its the sweating and pain that gets to me.

just-a-scratch > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 18:46

3

A ny job where you regularly do 1 2 hour shifts is soul crushing. There isn’t much left in a day after that. If you can find something that you don’t mind doing, (loving a job is not necessary) and doesn’t require such long hours, you might find time for more rewarding stuff.

It sounds tough.  I hope you find what you need.

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 19:12

1

Some days my thinking gets super dark by the time I get logged in to do some work, so I feel for you. I’m in a downward spiral chasing after what might be the last possible chance to make some decent “ fuck you” money. I might be completely broken by the time I’m settled in for the windfall. 

The chance to be okay again should be taken whenever the opportunity comes up.

If your parents are welcome to it and if you’ve gotten to the point where you’ve identified the issues that are plag u ing you, maybe you do need a break to recenter. I don’t think anyone would fault you for that.

JawzX2, Boost Addict. 1.6t, 2.7tt, 4.2t > just-a-scratch 08/21/2019 at 19:48

0

12 hours o f ANYTHING g ets old, I know I was less annoyed about a standard 8-hour shift as a dishwasher than a 12-16 hour day as a production manager. The pay kept me d oing the later for l onger, but at the expense of my health. My doctor told me I should quit. 

OPPOsaurus WRX > Rainbow 08/21/2019 at 20:51

0

you want to build a house? that is a big nugget to bite. You should go work construction for a while. Maybe hit the gym for a month or so first, picking things up and putting them down. That is a lot of what building a house is. Framing is my favorite part but its a lot of physical work. Its a very social job too. But most importantly, if you want to build a house there is ALOT to learn.